Alone

I am alone.

Not physically, but mentally.

I have a weekend coming up without my "adult supervision".

My wife is going scrapbooking on Saturday.

I am sitting here writing line after line of a nonsense poem.

Thoughts running through my mind, one after the other.

Every line provokes another memory.  Some good, some not.

I will be changing to another chapter in my life soon. As both kids are almost in school full time.

I am working more to either pay for it, or just for extra money.

Things are just staring to change a little too fast.  Or maybe just a little too much.

And with things changing, I start to see where it's going.

Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes bad.  And there's always the mixed changes that give you a loop.

We are trying to finish getting Monkey toilet trained.  I am tired of diapers/pull ups.

He also just got accepted into the Preschool in the school district.

That means that he will be gone 3-4 days a week in the afternoon.

I cannot work during those times since he will only be gone 3 hours..

Princess is getting bigger.  She is now up to my chin.

And she seems to be getting prettier every day.
But still my messy little girl.

Since school has started I am involved with the PTA again and have many things on my plate.
Carnival, skating party, book fundraiser, etc...
More of the same old stuff.  Me, trying to get us to spend money on things and everyone else trying to hoard the money. *sigh*
I will keep at it and try to get them to see my point of view.  Wish me luck.

What will I do after they are both in school?  I am sure I will work more, but doing what?
Waiting tables and tending bar is good money if you can get the right people and place to work at.
I have a nice place. And there are nice people working there and coming in to eat.
But is it where I want to stay?

I have a lot to think about and only a few more months to do it in.
I am alone in my thinking.
At some point I will involve the Warden and we will come to a decision that meets her expectations. Ha Ha.
Just kidding.  We will decide together.  The choices we make will benefit us and our family.

Let's see where this goes.  Life.

A Look Inside

I seem to keep things to myself.
I keep a lot of emotion locked up inside.  I don't let a lot of people in and when I do, I cling to them so they will not go.  I know I have some emotional problems that I have to deal with daily.
I know that there are some psychological issues that will never go away.

I try to find the good in people until they crush any hope of goodness I have for them.
I will help most people. Sometimes at my own expense.  Like going so far out of my way to take a friend home, as to make myself late or not be able to show up at all for whatever I had planned that day.

I know that my relationships with people are a little messed up.  That things I might think about how people feel about me might be WAAAAYYY off.  I tend to almost smother close friends.  And feeling personally hurt when their lives get too busy to involve me for a period of time.  Even tho it has nothing to do with me at all.  Everyone has a life.  Some might pass over of by ours.  But my life is not the only one that needs living.

I tend to get a little too emotionally attached to some members of the opposite sex.  knowing this has helped me avoid a few uncomfortable situations.  Female co-workers that I get a little too excited to see.
This has not led to anything physical.  Everyone knows I am married and to them I am just the "dirty old man".
But I have to know the boundaries.  I have to keep in mind, that many phrases, looks, or actions can be taken the wrong way.

I act like a kid a little too much for my wife's liking.  Growing up is one of the hardest things I am trying to do.  I may never be the "adult" most think I should.
But this is who I am.  This is who you have to accept.

I do not know what the future holds.  But I do know this.
I am going to keep living like I know what I am doing and remember to every now and then, take a look inside.

Evolution of a Daddy's Driving

I know how it is when you are young and full of energy.
Full of vim and vigor.
Bursting at the seams.
Just waiting to get out there.  Show off for your friends.  Impress the girls.  Scare your parents.

You just got your drivers license.

You get in the car.  Fasten your seat belt. Wave to your mother.  Promise to be home at 9pm. ( 10pm )
Check your mirrors. Then carefully pull out of the driveway.  Smile and wave again as you pull away.
Watch in the mirrors until you turn the corner at the end of the block.  Parents are now home.  You are free.

The accelerator gets smashed to the floor.  Old Mrs.Windham dives for cover.  Little Timmy's soccer ball will never score again.  But that's only the beginning.  As you pull into the 7-11 and buy the biggest Slurpee that will fit in your cup-holder.  You peel out of the parking lot to your friend's house.
Where you calmly tell his mother that you will have him home by 9:30.  That the movie is rated PG.  There will be no girls there.  And he reminds his mother that he needs money for the movie.

You drive like a lunatic up and down the strip showing off your new ride.  While your friend hangs out the window.  You buy as much candy as you can carry.  Sneak in the back door to the R-rated movie that just came out.  Then try to get to second base with the girls you met there.  Then make it home before your mom sends out a search party for you.   Yup.  Grounded.  Not the last time.

A few speeding tickets later and maybe a small fender bender.  That takes care of High School.

College is a little different.  There's one of two ways to go.  You could be the responsible one.  Being the DD at parties.  Going to bed early.  Driving a little fast, but not taking too many chances.
OR......  You have to turn your keys over when you walk in the door.  The next morning you make it home, but that's not your car in the driveway.  You find your car in the bushes at the local McDonald's. You try not to get pulled over for a DWI while driving to class in the morning.  Your parents refuse to pay for your insurance anymore.  Or the tickets that caused it to go up.

Now you get married.  You have someone else in the car with you now.
She will hold her breath when you go around corners too fast.  Stomp her foot on the floor when you get too close to the guy in front of you.  Your driving gets a little better.  Just one ticket.
Thank goodness she wasn't in the car when it happened.

You decide to have kids.  Now there is another person in the car.  She looks like your wife.  She smiles when you talk to her.  Giggles when you tickle her chin.  Your shoulder is her favorite place to sleep.  You have to check on her five times before you go to bed.
You find yourself driving the speed limit.  Or under.  It actually takes you more than 5 minutes to get out of your street.  You curse the guy who just flew by on the shoulder.  Laughing when he gets pulled over.
Yelling when the bass in the car next to you is rattling your windows.

Driving one-handed means she dropped her pacifier.  Looking behind you means she was crying.
The cooler riding shotgun has been replaced by a bag of diapers and wipes.  The bottle of beer is now a bottle of warm milk.

The Evolution of a Daddy's Driving Does not end there.

Just think how much fun it will be to smash the accelerator to the floor.  Drive at just over the speed limit. Buy the biggest Slurpee that will fit in the car.  Get all the candy you can carry.  Buy two tickets for the new PG13 Movie. Sit there with your friend.

And be the coolest Grandpa ever.