It runs in families and destroys lives. Turns bad thoughts into bad actions.
Most people hear about Postpartum Depression. Where soon after childbirth, the mother has thoughts of hurting herself or her baby. This can happen to men too.
Another is Bipolar Depression or Manic Depression. This is where the person has mood swings to the extreme.
Still there are many other types of depression that are harder to diagnose and therefore, treat.
I have what you would call Chronic Depression. This affects millions of people and are the targets of those commercials we keep seeing on TV.
While I usually can fight the signs, I have days, or a week where I just try to limit the damage.
This became a slight problem once The Warden went back to work after our first was born.
I had days where I didn't want to do anything.
Those days when I picked up Princess and had thoughts I would much rather keep to myself.
I would let her cry for an hour in her crib while I watched TV or went back to sleep.
I am not saying that I kept food from her. While she was bottle fed, I kept the schedule.
Or that I didn't pay any attention to her. She is as outgoing as any child I know.
Believe me when I say that she did not suffer any physical or emotional neglect.
If you saw her now, she is 9 years old. She comes up to my shoulder.
She is almost as tall as my mother.
She put on my wifes wedding dress and it almost fit!!! The curves come later....*shudder*
But I am a lucky one.
I realized it was happening.
I knew when to pull myself together and do what I needed to do.
I have been to therapy. I was even put in a "home" for a little while when I was 14.
I knew what those thoughts were and that I did not have to do them.
I made myself put her down in her bed and walk out of her room when my frustration would drive me to scream and shake her.
Some don't know. Some don't care. Some are driven to hurt the ones they are supposed to care for.
Some hurt themselves. I value this life I have been given.
I am a lucky one.
When Monkey came along it was easier. I had a pair of eyes watching me.
She questioned what I was doing. She got jealous of the attention I was giving this other child.
She was able to communicate her needs. And pull me up a little by her smile.
But now, those little eyes are at school. And this "other child" is in school two days a week.
But again. I know that this is happening. And some days I let it win.
I won't go out of the house. Monkey will spend an awesome day watching TV and having a lot of snacks.
It will always be with me. And some days it will win.
I now have friends that will pull me out of it. Get me to leave the house.
Get me to experience the world. And for that I thank them.
I know this is what all the commercial say as well.
But it is the best advice.
If you see signs of depression and think it will affect your family.
Please seek help. Talk to family and friends.
Find the help you need to not let depression win.
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