Friday, July 31, 2009

Wife's Days Off: Part 3

Time to get up. Wow. 9:30!
Got to sleep in today.
Let's get everyone up. We have to think about going.

Deanna Rose Farmstead. Great.
Everyone in the van. Wagon stays here today. Monkey doesn't ride in it anyway.

There it is.
HOLY SHIT!! I mean shoot!
The parking lot is packed. Hey! There's one right up front. Will my luck hold?
YES!! Great spot.

No, Monkey. There's nothing around the outside of the fence.
Well, I will carry you in. Princess is looking at the peacock.
Monkey is making a break for it on a side path.
Ok gang. Let's follow the little one. He seems to know where he wants to go.

It's very sad when the Koi fish don't want to eat.
Prairie Dogs are out and enjoying the weather.

Gotta stop, Monkey. Mommy wants to see the Bobcat.
Ok. We're going to the goats.
Princess wants to feed them. Let's go in.
Found some young ones I was able to coax one over.
These are some greedy goats.

There goes someone's shirt.

Out of food. Let's go wash our hands.

Does Monkey want to go down the slide?
Princess, Go with him.

He balks. Gotta go after him.
Ok, I'll go with you. *shove*
Is it mean to trick your kid like that?

One more time.
Done. Not made for dads.

Splash area here we come.
You just brought a washcloth? Warden says I can pack the bag next time.
Crap, that backfired.

Playground is next. Run around. Dry off.
You're soaked! I'm not picking you up!

Time to go.
Lunch at Culver's
Another double burger with fries.

Damn. When I wasn't looking, I got another chocolate malt.

Let's go home. I'm beat.

Wife's Days Off: Part 2

Ok, so day one wasn't that bad. We had some fun, got some sun, and wore the kids out!

Day two started out nicely. The kids let us sleep until 8:30. (Real treat for the wife)

Got everyone ready for lunch with Grandma.
We went to eat at IHOP (The original, Not the church)

Monkey was in a rare mood. We get there and get seated.
Monkey wants down, wants up, shoes off, down again.

Drinks come. Out come the cars. Crayons on the table.
Princess is wanting Grandma's attention.
Small spill of soda. Wants down again.

Food comes. Gotta cut up the sausage.
What do you mean? Didn't I give you some? You ate it already?
Your eggs too? Want some ha---- Ok! No hash browns!
Have some of Mommy's eggs.

Almost done.
Monkey's flirting with lady across the aisle.
Rolling on the floor. Has a great audience.
Says hi. He gives her a hug. Makes her day. Says she only has daughters.
Princess wants in on the attention. Gives her a hug too.
Ok, say bye. We gotta go.

Grandma leaves.
Off to the museum.
Nelson Atkins Museum of Art and the "not so new anymore" Bloch building.

Underground parking to Bloch Building. Find a parking. Walk in. Walk around.
Lots of:
Don't touch!
Get up!
Quiet! Inside voice!
Screw it. Go. Just don't break anything. Thank goodness Little Hoss isn't here. (kidding Hossman)

Time to go inside The Nelson.
Awesome architecture. Great old building.
"No, you have to walk."
Look at the paintings, the sculptures, the teacups.
Lots to look at.
"What do you mean I can't carry him on my shoulders."
Hang on Monkey, Daddy wants to stand here a minute. Yes, by the look in your eye, I can answer. She is naked. There's a plaque here, but I don't care who she is.

Why do I have to stop at every item that shows a woman unclothed?
I'm a guy. I got balls. The Warden might have clipped them, but they're still there.
Waiting for the next girl, real or otherwise, to look at and admire.
Do anything with? No, not if I want to keep them attached to some degree.

Time to eat. Lets get out of the history lesson today.
Winstead's for dinner? Awesome!
Double burger, fries, onion rings, and a chocolate malt.
And a real 45rpm record jukebox with unlimited free plays.
Frank Sinatra, Jim Croche, The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Elvis, The Temptations and more.
Can't beat the oldies.

Can't wait till tomorrow.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Wife's Days Off: Part 1

My wife took a couple of days off this week.
We (she) decided we would do stuff as a family.
This is actually a great idea. We don't do much together outside the house.

We planned a few outings.
Day 1: Topeka Zoo

Please keep in mind that the Topeka Zoo is about an hour from the KC Metro area.
1. Pick a driver.
2. Get something for the passenger to do.
3. Get something for the kids to do. (We forgot. This might be a #1 to most.)
4. Bring a camera. (We have these nifty phones right? Yup, we forgot.)
5. The sign for the zoo is very small. (Yup, we missed it. Had to hang a U.)

The Topeka Zoo is a very nice place. We got in for half off with our FOTZ Memberships.
You walk in and BAM! Animals right there in your face.
Not just an otter either. A Giraffe!

Note: Follow the toddler. He can be loud. This zoo is pretty small.
With quite a lot packed into it. We toured the whole thing in about 2 hours.

We walked around to the rain forest bulding. Kids wanted to go in.
Walked around in there for awhile. Got the closest I have been to a flamingo, Camen Croc, Armadillo ( buried himself), and a large fruit bat. (About a foot tall.)

Saw lions, tigers and bears. Oh, My!

The best part of the zoo was leaving.
Don't get me wrong. I really liked the zoo.
But there is an awsome mini train across the street.
It is a train for kids and adults alike. It has been running for 43 years.
Tokens to ride are $1 each. Doesn't matter how old you are. If you ride, you pay.
Train ride takes about 15-20 min. Even goes in a tunnel and over a tressel. (Bridge)
Then comes back into the station.
The kids got to walk up front and sound the whistle.
My wife politely declined.

There is a fun looking pool in the area. We don't know if it is public or not.
We heard their PA system say something about a contamination.
(Don't forget your swim diapers)

There are two playgrounds if your kids still have energy.
Swings, slides, a wicked cresent teeter-totter.
(Almost sent my wife end over ass.)
And some play trains to climb on.
The other one has a lot of sculptures you can climb on and play around.
Gorillas, a whale, a boat, etc....

We ate at a nearby Wendy's. Then headed home.
Little monkey was asleep after 5 min on the road.
Didn't even make it out of Topeka.
And, the tolls on I-70 are prety cheap. $2.15 one way.
A great day trip.

On the way back we stopped at Legends.
Walked around and window shopped.
Got a treat from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.
Kids then played around the fountain display.

Load them up. Time to go. Home.

More tomorrow.

Friday, July 10, 2009

The Teenager Comes Out!!!

So, I'm driving home from my mom's on the 4th of July.
I call a buddy who had to work.
"How was tonight? Slow?"
B: "Yeah. Watched fireworks from the roof."
B: "It's ok. Hey. Are you up for some Call of Duty 4?"
"I'm on the road. Should be home in about 40."
B: "Great. I'll be out of here in an hour. Get on and we'll play. Boss is playing too."

Now I know I shouldn't. I have to work a double in the morning.

"Ummm... Ok, sounds good."

Finished driving home.
Turned on XBOX 360.
Wait.... Wait.... Wait....
Got on FB to do stupid, time sucking games.
Wait..... Wait..... Wait.....
Watch part of movie I had on DVR.

Get text. "Be on soon"

Wait..... Wait.... Wait......

About to give up when I see they have gotten on.
It seems that my buddy has gotten hold of some beer before he left.
He is drunk.
Now, my buddy likes to joke and harass people when he is sober.
It just gets worse.

Play for awhile. Get fed up with the harassment. Turn off XBOX.
Watch a little more tv.
Look outside.
The sun is up.
I should go to sleep.
Sun is up. No point in going to sleep now.
Stopped by gas station to get two 5 hour energy shots.
Worked the whole day.
Had to stay late and clean because the inspector was going to be there in the morning.
Had to get up with the kids.

I am a stupid man.

Kid again. For a night.

I am a kid again. Not a care in the world.
It's Saturday night and I get to light fireworks!
Not the little crappy ones you get when you are a kid.
I'm talking about the ones that come with five different safety warnings, a hazmat suit, and a written disclaimer to sign, saying that if you are dumb enough to hold this when it goes off.....
Well, let's just say you won't be writing any letters to the company.
I bought a butane lighter just for tonight.
Blue fire, very hot.... won't light. Cheap piece of shit.
Get out the candle lighter.
Drop mortar into tube. (yes I said mortar)
Light the fuse.
Walk 5 steps.
Cover ears.
Look up while blinking cause I looked when it took off.
(Ooohh, AAhhhh)
Repeat 5 times.

Can't see the family due to the barn in-between us.
After walking back to the house with singed fingers, missing part of beard, and blind from powder flash.
Find that half have gone inside.
The other half thought it would be rude to have me walk back and find I had been deserted.

Now I have to drive home so I can sleep and work a double the next day while wife and kids get to enjoy MY mom's pool. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.

Next year, I'm buying snappers.

Or gunpowder.