Saturday, August 15, 2009

Zoo Trip

The guys are all here.
Hossman and The Bruiser watching the kids run.

Everyone has a date. The FOTZ pass holders drag along a non-member.
It is a very good day for the zoo. A little hot but not too humid.
We trickle in the gate and immediately some split off for the bathroom.

Everyone was in a good mood.
The kids are already enjoying each other.

As we head off into the zoo, we make a gameplan for the day.

Walk to Africa, Tram back to the Carousel, then a train ride.

The walk down was nice. A little breeze. Elephants to see.
A few explanations as to why there are 13 dads there in a group with their kids.
Great to see a trail of dads and strollers along the path.

The kids enjoy rides in the strollers. The baboons are attacking the glass.
Snacks are eaten and lots of water drank.

As we take over the dining patio, we notice this sign.

Too bad it was closed.

As a note to future visits: The Tram runs SLOW!!!!!
I started walking back from Africa with Monkey on my shoulders.
I beat the Tram by 20 minutes!

Carousel rides. Train rides. And Monkey and I fed the Lorikeets.

Awesome day at the zoo.

Getting to the Zoo

Off to the zoo.
Gotta get up in time.
It's only.... 9:07!!!!!!

Goober has to be at school in 10 minutes!!!

I'm jumping out of bed. Crashing through the door.
"UP NOW!! You need to be up and dressed! I'll help."

Got Goober up. Time for Monkey!

"Let's go for ride!" I say nicely.
"OK!" Monkey squeals.

I throw him in the van.
Yell at Goober to eat her granola bar.

I got her there in time. Whew!
Time for the Zoo.

I tell Monkey that I will be right back. I have to run in the house and grab his shoes and bag.
I run in. I grab what I need.
I pop in my contacts. I grab a hat to cover my head and rush out.

I am in plenty of time. I pull in to the Zoo like a king.
I find a parking spot on the lower level. Scratch that, I AM A GOD!!!

I jump out. I grab the bag.
I slide open Monkey's door.
And stare dumbfounded at his bare feet.

What have I done!!!!!!?????

I jump back in the van.
I peel out of the parking lot.
I dart home. Grab the shoes.
Jump back in the van. Rush back to the Zoo.

I am just in time. I pull in as the last guys are joining the group.
A fun time is had by all.

A laugh is had at my expense.

How to Parent. Video Generation

I know all of you are wondering how a guy stays at home with the kids and doesn't go insane.
Here's a little known, but often assumed fact.

He Does!

Case in point:

I was going through the motions of my week.
Monday: Laundry
Tuesday: Outing
Wednesday: .....
Here is where it all came crashing down.

I had an offer to go play paintball.
on Thursday.
They lied. It got switched to Wednesday.

I was depressed.
I sat on the couch.
I played video games.
I let the kids run around mostly naked.
Fed them cereal and fruit snacks.
Watched numbly as the mess piled up around me.

"Go watch TV in mommy's room." I said
"I don't care" I stated.
"Work it out yourselves!" I yelled.

Not my best day.

The Warden got home.

"You did nothing, did you ?" She stated.
"Nope" I said proudly.

"You have to mow later." She said with a smile.


Saturday, August 1, 2009

Paintball Fever

I get to go paintball!

The wife looks at me with that "Yes dear. You get to go play with your friends" look.

I got "new to me" camo pants and jacket. Got a new Co2 tank and got my current one filled.
Got a half case of balls and plan to shoot them all.

Met up with my manager at Dick's Sporting Goods to get the Co2.

Nothing like seeing three guys come in the store wearing camo gear. Trailing two kids behind them.
The greeter jokingly said "I didn't know there was an Overland Park Militia."
I told her we had a low budget and could only afford paintball guns.

Drive back home. Drop Monkey off at neighbors. Wait for Grandma to take Princess to lunch.
Ok. Bye!


Field isn't far from home. I have packed water, granola bars, and a stool to sit on.
Too bad Nature Boy couldn't make it. Gotta ask some of the other SAHD's if they want to join us.

We are maybe a hundred yards off the road. Can only hear the occasional car.
We get everything ready. Show off our guns. Take a few practice shots.

Ok. Split up into teams. Only six of us total. Three on three.
Ready! We holler.

Game ON.

I see movement straight ahead. Fire a few shots.
I feel the first hit of the day. Inside left thigh.
HIT!! I holler. Look down. The ball didn't break.

Walk off the field.

Game ends soon.

We talk a few minutes. A beer is passed around.
Different game. Free-for-all / Capture.
One hit. Wait to be tagged. Now you're on his team.
Second hit. You're out.

Everyone splits up.


Swing to my right. See movement away from me. Follow him.
Hear shooting. Creep closer. Hear a hit. See the fallen. Wait.

Shooter comes to tag. Aim. Now.
Shots from the other side. Crossfire.
One hollers out. Walks off field.
Other out. Kneels down. Movement on other side. Getting closer.

Forty feet. Still shooting.
Thirty feet. Holy crap those are hitting close!
Peek out. He's 15 feet away.
I hear footsteps towards me. He comes around the tree running and firing.
I get off about six shots. Two find their mark.

I tag both. Two others out there. They don't stand a chance.
I got the two best with me. I'm just a little rusty, out of shape.
Got you didn't I?

Game over. Last one standing.

A few games of two-on-two-on-two.

Creeping through the trees. (pop pop pop.) Take cover.
I see them. Going to that bigger tree.
Run run run. Vision turns yellow. I got hit. Crap.

Time's up. Gotta get the kids.
Back to reality.

I am going to hurt tomorrow.

It feels so good.

The Night Fish Came to Dinner.

Princess: What's for dinner?

Me: Fish. Mommy thawed it out.

Princess: I don't like it!

Me: You've never had it before. And it doesn't taste like anything.

Princess: *whimper* (stomp stomp stomp)

Well, that was encouraging.

Dinner time:
Baked Tilapia, in a nice Olive oil and Apple juice marinade.
Chicken flavored rice with a side of Green Beans.

Not bad.

She won't touch the fish.
Rice is gone. Beans are gone:

P: I ate all my beans. Can I have some more rice?
Me: You need to try the fish. I promise it's good. Look. Monkey's eating it.
P: Monkey eats anything. (she's got me there) And I don't like it! (Whining all the way)
Me: Just a little bite. Here.
P: chew chew "Eewwww"
Me: Swallow it!

Warden: You need to eat this much. (Cuts a piece)
P: It's too big!
Me: Fine. Here. (cuts into smaller pieces) You need to eat three pieces.
W: Ok, two. But you stay there until you finish.

Dinner almost done. Princess got a little more rice.
Monkey needs to be changed.

Me: You need to eat those two pieces.
Princess: (enthusiastically) OK! I will.

Something is up. She sounded too eager.
Set Monkey on changing pad. Walk back down hall. Look around corner. "HEY!"

In front of the trash, Princess looks up. Eyes wide. Yup. BUSTED!

Sent to room.
30 minutes later, She's out.
Sent back to room.

One hour later, let her out of room. Time for bed. Take vitamin.
Go brush teeth. Good Night!

Think she'll try it again? Yup. Get busted again?