Monday, July 26, 2010

The End of an Era

The thought is scary.
It terrifies me more and more.
I am uncertain what to do about it.
Is it inevitable? Or can it be stopped?

My kids are starting school and I will have to go back to work.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my current job.
Taking care of the kids is the best thing that I could have done.

But that job is going into the part-time slot.
I will still get them up and ready.
But now, instead of Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer.
I am going to drop them off at school and pick them up after seven hours.

Getting school supplies instead of diapers and wipes. (My wallet thanks me)
School uniforms instead of the Thomas the Tank Engine shirt three days a week.
Backpacks, not diaper bags. School lunch, not happy meals.

I have been a SAHD for NINE YEARS.
From the first breath to the last scraped knee of the summer, I have been there for my children every step of the way.

When my first child went off to school, I enjoyed my time alone.
Caught up on the TV shows that I missed, rented movies galore. Played video games until my finger were sore. Just killing time as she soaked up the world.

Then the second child came along and BAM!! I had a full-time job again.

Now this is my second and last child to go off to school.
I am going to have to figure out a way to earn a little more money than the pocket lint I bring home during the week.

I have had a part-time job for a number of years now. Serving tables and tending bar at a restaurant on the week-end. This brings home some extra spending cash.
But here comes the real challenge.
Am I going to keep doing this? Go full-time.
Or, am I going to try and find another job that pays well, but lets me out early enough to pick up the kids from school.

This is what has me worried. And here are some starting points.
  • New job or keep current?
  • Start at the bottom, or climb corporate ladder?
  • New people, or familiar faces.
  • How much money will I make either way.
  • Will it be easy to leave or hard to say goodbye.
  • Will I have to grow up too?
  • This will change my marriage .
  • This will change the time I spend with my kids.
  • This will change the amount of time I have for myself.
  • This will change EVERYTHING.
The decisions I am going to have to make will change my life, and effect the people around me.
Am I ready to make the changes that need to be made, or am I just going to cower and run away from them.

Thankfully, I have two years to ease into the decisions and to think about the final outcomes.
I am going to ask a lot of questions and chew the answers over.

To leave with some honest parting thoughts:

The future scares the hell out of me.
I am going to spend a few uneasy nights thinking about these questions and choices.
I am going to shed a few tears for the days gone by.
And I am going to gather courage from my friends and family along the way.

My kids are growing up. And I don't know what to do.

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